When my brother died, he left behind two young sons--one in middle school and the other in elementary. He was also in the middle of a divorce that wasn't finalized, so he left his wife with many financial issues that did not seem easy to deal with. I really wanted to help out, so I bought his old Jeep. It is a 2003 Wrangler, also known as a TJ (True Jeep). I really had no idea about these vehichles except that I thought a convertable top 4x4 would be pretty cool to have in Colorado in the summertime. I also liked the idea of owning something that Brandon loved, especially during what was probably the best times of his life in his early twenties. I thought, "I can work on it here and there. Fix it up where needed. Do a little deferred maintenence." I thought it would be a fun way to memorialize him.
Fast forward a few months, and I'm a bit obsessed (my family would say VERY obsessed). As I have been working on the thang, I have indeed thought about my brother a lot. I wonder about decisions he made that led to some of the condition of the Jeep. I think about what he would do if he were fixing the same component. I sometimes even talk to him while I work. But the best thing is that I think I can kind of feel how he felt driving it when I drive it. He is definitely alive in my relationship with tis thing. And at the same time, having this thing and working with it is a constant reminder that my brother is dead. And that's good too---to be reminded, to live with that reality and cope with it. After all, why would I be driving his car around if he were alive?
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