Lately I have been feeling that now that my only sibling is dead I'm more alone in the world. I have written before about how he was the only other person who knew me that well, including being children together. But now I am starting to feel a scary freedom. I am the last of our little family's second generation. Both of our parents are still alive, so I am not the last of my family. But when you grow up close to a sibling, you feel a shared evaluation of things because when you were kids you experienced all the new things together. My brother and I were just two years apart in age, so we were always in this life together, until now.
I don't know exactly what this feeling is, but it is a kind of scary lonesomeness. I often think that I should tell Brandon about something after it happens, only to remember that he is dead. I still want to call him and ask what he thinks.